thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
