I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
We had to coat check the pizza.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
