I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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