Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
