there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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