Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Randomize