just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
