I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
