mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
