why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
