kristin has been a bad kristin
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Alive.
So much puke
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
