I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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