One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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