That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize