Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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