in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
