Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
