The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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