Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
