I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
