Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
