I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Randomize
