I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
