Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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