There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
