Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Randomize
