well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
