there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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