So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
