are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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