I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
