Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
