Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
