i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
