If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize