the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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