Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Dear god my vagina.
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