I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
