Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
