Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Randomize
