i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
