But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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