I wish I could punch you in the face.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
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