my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
a search helicopter?!
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Enjoy the penises
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize