I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Randomize
