saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize