you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
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