Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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