i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
