My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize