its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
