I can text with my tongue
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
