Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
