she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Randomize
