Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
