Got a toothbrush?
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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