Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
