all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
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