My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
