I need to stop coming to work sober
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize