My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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