My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
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