you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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