getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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