If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
It's never too late to be topless.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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