At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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