Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
