So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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