Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
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