I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
