hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize