All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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