I'd wear matching sweaters with you
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
You made out with two different species that night
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
