so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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